you have read, understood, and agree to our Privacy Policy. Under the watchful eye of Chief Justice John Roberts, who is kept from nodding off by a law clerk armed with a pellet gun, everyone, in accordance with Senate rules, repeats everything 127 times, after which the Republican majority, to the surprise of anyone who has the IQ of sponge cake, acquits the Republican president. newsletter, Disney fans reveals a major hack that probably won’t work anymore, A third ‘Paddington’ movie is officially in the works, Disney+ adds a warning before ‘The Muppet Show.’ Here’s what it says, Remember the murder hornets? In sports, the Washington Redskins, bowing to mounting public pressure, announce that they are changing their name, which critics say is insensitive. To combat this fraud, the president forms a crack legal team headed by former sane person Rudy “Rudy Three i’s” Giuliani, who presides over what future scholars will view as the single greatest event in the history of America, if not the world. In the past, such movements tended to lose energy, smothered under a thick cloud of politicians’ platitudes, but this one has legs, and as we enter ... ... the protest movement grows in size and passion with frankly not a whole lot of social distancing. Enjoy Bulleit Bourbon like the Americans do! In any other year they would have been a huge story, comparable to famous celebrity pests of the past, such as the killer bees, or the cast of “Jersey Shore.” But in 2020 there is simply too much competition, and the murder hornets end up living in a cheap motel near the Canadian border, their dreams of fame shattered. Many states impose tough new COVID restrictions, most notably California, which bans “all human activity not personally involving the governor.”. The Utah Jazz already know coach Quin Snyder will be on hand at the NBA All-Star festivities on March 7. He is of course joking, but this is not obvious, because even when Mitch is in a jovial mood he looks like a man passing a kidney stone the size of the Hope Diamond. The Republican platform consists of, quote, “whatever was in the president’s most recent tweet.”. On the diplomatic front, the Trump administration announces that, after tense high-level negotiations, it has reached a peace agreement under which U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Portland, Oregon, where for many weeks protesters have been seeking social justice via a combination of peaceful demonstrations and arson. And that’s just on SportsCenter. In an effort to keep the nation informed on the president’s health without creating confusion, the administration employs a two-pronged communications strategy: Prong One: The president’s doctors hold a press briefing in which they say that the president is doing fine. In other national news, President Trump, faced with soaring coronavirus cases and a congressional stalemate over a desperately needed relief package, devotes his energies, as chief executive, to tweeting approximately once per hour that the election was RIGGED. On a more uplifting note, America cheers the first manned space launch from U.S. soil in nine years as the commercially built SpaceX rocket, carrying two NASA astronauts, blasts off for the International Space Station, only to discover, upon arrival, that it has been closed since 2014. This is not considered a big deal in the U.S., since it has nothing to do with either impeachment or the Iowa caucuses. While the president continues to insist that he was reelected, members of his staff quietly prepare for the transition by updating their resumes and conducting a search for the briefcase containing the nuclear launch codes, believed last seen in the back of a golf cart in Bedminster, New Jersey. In other political news, the coronavirus continues to disrupt both major parties’ convention plans. Postal Service, which until now most Americans have viewed as a nonsinister agency whose function, as authorized by the Constitution, is to faithfully, rain or shine, deliver vast quantities of bulk mail to us so we can discard it unread. As the curtain gradually descends on the Trump administration, it becomes Joe Biden’s turn to take center stage and face the harsh scrutiny of the Washington press corps. The president gets a big hand from the crowd when, displaying leadership, he drinks from a water glass with one hand. Comparing the two, EH has a little less cinnamon an heat, and a little more butter, IMHO. Literally.”, For his part, Trump dismisses rumors that he might change running mates, telling reporters “I’m very happy with whatshisname.”, Because of the pandemic, both parties hold their conventions virtually, which means that instead of endless hours of repetitious blather, the TV broadcasts consist of endless hours of repetitious blather but without the entertaining visuals of delegates in stupid hats. Also players must limit infield chatter to fewer than 10 syllables. Joe Biden, preparing for a historically difficult transition to a presidency that will be confronted with a daunting array of critical challenges both at home and abroad, fractures his foot playing with a dog. Elsewhere abroad, Chinese news media report that a man in a city named “Wuhan” died of a mysterious new virus. In other political news, Iowa Democratic Party officials sense that there may be a problem with their new “app” when it declares that the winner of the state’s caucuses, with 43 million delegates, is Walter Mondale, followed by the Houston Astros (who also win the Super Bowl). We’re trying to think of something nice to say about 2020. In business news, Amazon pays $237 billion in cash to acquire Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Prong Two: Immediately thereafter, White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows tells reporters that the president’s vital signs are “worrying.”, While hundreds of certified Twitter users without medical degrees offer their insights on this situation, the president begins a course of treatment at Walter Reed that includes an antibody cocktail, an antiviral drug, a steroid and — this really happened — a motorcade ride around the hospital. We are literally sick and tired of the pandemic. I've had a lot of trash for well above that price. In any other year this would seem ridiculous, but in 2020 a lot of people are like “why not?”. President Trump, carrying on a cherished White House tradition, pardons turkeys named “Corn” and “Cob” and a former national security adviser named “Michael Flynn.” “Corn” and “Michael Flynn” were convicted of making false statements to the FBI; “Cob” was serving a four-year sentence for tax evasion. Hard seltzer rush continues with blackberry, prickly pear and mezcal drinks | Austin 360 Local seltzer and cider makers have been busy releasing new products, keeping that ever-hot bubbly beverage market on pace to become the longest beverage trend since craft beer. Get high-quality papers at affordable prices. Click to skip ahead and see the 5 fastest growing food brands. Nose: Caramel apples, fresh corn and cloves. We’re just hoping that it eventually does, and that next year is nothing like it. We're working on a solution, but in the meantime you can find out more here. The month comes to a close with Halloween, a spooky, scary time when the nation is haunted by a relentless onslaught of political TV attack ads in which basically every candidate for public office is depicted as a hideous bloodsucking ghoul. In scandal news, the justice department moves to drop all charges against former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn. By far the month’s most disturbing event occurs on July 15 when Twitter, responding to a cyberattack, temporarily suspends many verified blue-check accounts. Kanye West announces that he is running for president, representing the Birthday Party. All Rights Reserved, From NASA’s Mars rover project to a Latter-day Saint mission. We can't actually ship Colonel EH Taylor Small Batch to you in France right now. In the past, writing these annual reviews, we have said harsh things about previous years. Meanwhile COVID-19 cases are rising alarmingly, especially in the South. Compared to 2020, all previous years, even the Disco Era, were the golden age of human existence. Washington and its suburbs immediately start looking around for a new historic thing to be gripped by. For a few minutes, the nation seems to be groping its way, an inch at a time, toward relative calm. The Drinkmate’s basic design is very similar to a SodaStream, so much so that the same SodaStream CO2 Canisters would work with the DrinkMate. Dr. Anthony Fauci outlined two specifics ways to defeat COVID-19 variants. To set the stage: Back in mid-December, the House of Representatives passed two articles of impeachment, after which Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in accordance with the U.S. Constitution, handed out souvenir signing pens. Joe Biden leaves Delaware briefly to give a campaign speech in Philadelphia, where he makes the following statement: “If Donald Trump has his way, the complications from COVID-19, which are well beyond what they should be — it’s estimated that 200 million people have died — probably by the time I finish this talk.” Then it’s back to Delaware for Joe. For his part, Trump displays presidential leadership by firmly yet calmly reassuring an anxious nation that the election will be a complete fraud. President Trump, having apparently decided that the best way to deal with the pandemic, as chief executive, is to occasionally tweet about it, focuses his efforts on getting reelected. Also during this time important news events are occurring in Europe, Asia, Africa, South America and possibly even Canada. Mary's Gone Crackers, Inc. has 3 total employees across all of its locations and generates $751,571 in sales (USD). Previously it has been bottled at 40% abv for the UK market, but now you can get the Frontier Whiskey at 45% abv, just like they have in Kentucky. Normally this doesn’t matter, because the holiday season tends to be a slow news time. The White House states that imprisoning the 67-year-old Stone would be inhumane because he has a medical condition that requires him “to roam free at night seeking fresh human blood.”. What players will join him there? We sincerely don’t want to relive this year. In arts and culture news, Guinness World Records announces that the most watched video in YouTube history, with over 7 billion views, is “Baby Shark Dance,” which was created by a South Korean company called “Pinkfong” that for some inexplicable reason we never took out with a nuclear missile even though the entire world would have thanked us. Pop your email address in below and we’ll let you know next time this product becomes available. The nose shows savory notes of roasted corn and hints of umami. That's a promise. Sports on the air: Here’s what games are on TV and radio for the week of Feb. 21-27, High school boys wrestling: Uintah breaks 22-year drought with 4A state championship, High school girls wrestling: Mountain Crest delivers dominant performance at girls 4A state tournament, High school boys swimming: A year full of firsts concludes with American Fork winning its first 6A state title, Analysis: Double dribble? Prices vary based on delivery destination (it's a tax thing), so please change it if you're not shipping within France as it might affect the price! Meanwhile the virus continues to spread through the White House, eventually infecting everyone in the executive branch above the rank of custodian. “These people are pumping millions of dollars a month into the economy,” states Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. Ron DeSantis to “just go ahead and reuse the results from 2016, since we counted those already.” But the process is much slower in states such as Pennsylvania, which uses the base 17 numbering system, and Arizona, where by law votes must be tabulated on cowhides. In sports, Major League Baseball owners and players, faced with the very real threat that the Houston Astros will win the World Series unopposed, reach an agreement to hold a shortened season, with a few COVID-related rule modifications: • The “batter’s box” will be an actual plexiglass box completely enclosing the batter. Those that say it is just a tad below the single barrel are way off in my opinion. • The bad news is that the number of cases, in what feels like the 37th wave, is spiking once again, and American consumers are once again creating shortages of toilet paper by buying enough rolls per household to wipe every butt in Denmark for a year. The finish is long but dry. For their part, the Democrats, fed up with the longstanding pattern of systemic racism and police misconduct in major U.S. cities, vow to bring about real reform, just as soon as they can figure out who, exactly, is in charge of these cities. 1,704 Likes, 64 Comments - Mitch Herbert (@mitchmherbert) on Instagram: “Excited to start this journey! As far as we know. The president wants to force TikTok to be sold to Microsoft, apparently in the hope that Microsoft will render it unusable by means of “updates.”. To demonstrate that he is not the kind of leader who hides in bunkers, the president courageously goes outside (after the protesters have been cleared away) and personally walks several hundred feet to historic St. John’s Church, where he holds up a Bible. Then, at last, it’s Election Day. Here we should at least mention the arrival of the Asian murder hornets. At one appearance, when asked about this, Biden says (this is an actual quote): “the moment I answer that question, the headline in every one of your papers will be on the answer to that question.” While reporters wrestle with the Confucian profundity of this statement, Joe is whisked back to Delaware. BTW, Costco also had 1.75 liter of Weller Special Reserve for $35.00 (maybe even a little less), so don't forget to look there if you have one nearby. Comparing the two, EH has a little less cinnamon an heat, and a little more butter, IMHO. Please enter your details to make it easier for us to help you further. If you’re looking for a non-alcoholic version, replace the orange liqueur with a freshly squeezed orange juice and top off glasses with club soda or seltzer. You should know that we will store your details securely just in case we need to get in touch with you about your post in the future. In this article, we are going to shed light on the 15 fastest growing food brands. Overall: A really great small batch bourbon. In social-media news, Twitter blocks a New York Post story about incriminating emails allegedly found on Hunter Biden’s laptop, on the grounds that the story is of questionable origin. Our point is, we don’t know what else will happen this year, including when it will end. and it will be nice to include this one in the rotation. The Drinkmate is made by I-Drink Products Inc based in Michigan and is currently the second most popular carbonation appliance maker in the world.. Get the recipe: Poinsettia Fizz But we do it, because we are Americans. Great got it as gift wish I could find it just had the last swig. In politics, controversy swirls around the U.S. Finally, after 12 nightmarish months, 2020 draws to a close, and ... ... and here we must interrupt our narrative to let you, the reader, in on a little secret: Because of newspaper deadlines, we have to turn in our year-in-review in mid-December, before the year is actually over. Now sadly our British Columbia owned Government stores are all sold out. “We’re thinking of just showing 60 minutes of referees throwing penalty flags and peering at replay monitors,” says NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Two weeks later Trump and Biden have their second debate, during which Trump accuses Biden of wanting to force Americans to have “little, tiny, small windows” and Biden says “Come on!” roughly 200 times. If you would prefer to skip this exercise in masochism, we completely understand. • The Kardashians decide to stop making “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”. 1 concern of the American public, based on the amount of passionate debate it generates on the internet, is the burning issue of whether it is, or is not, OK to recline your airplane seat. A much bigger international story concerns Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, who announce via Instagram that they are sick and tired of being part of the British royal family and want to just be regular normal everyday hardworking folks making millions of dollars solely because one of them was born into, and the other one married into, the British royal family. Butterscotch sneaks in after a while. We're working on a solution, but in the meantime you can. Special offers, recommendations and expert advice to your inbox! Which is fitting, because 2020 was one long, howling, Category 5 crapstorm. And then, sprinkled in amid all the political coverage, we begin to see reports that this coronavirus thing might be worse than we have been led to believe, although at first the authorities still seem to be saying that it’s basically the flu and there is no reason to panic, but all of a sudden there seems to be no hand sanitizer for sale anywhere, which makes some sense although there is also no toilet paper, as if people are planning to be pooping for weeks on end (ha) and then we learn that Tom Hanks — Tom Hanks! It is as if the White Star Line sold whimsical souvenirs of the Titanic. The Republicans, having already moved Trump’s acceptance speech from the Spectrum Center in Charlotte, North Carolina, to the VyStar Veterans Memorial Arena in Jacksonville, Florida, announce that they are now considering the Roll ‘n’ Shoot Bowling Alley & Gun Range in Elwood, Oklahoma, contingent on the availability of “a long enough extension cord.” The Democrats have also downsized their convention, which was originally to be a four-day event at the Wisconsin Center in Milwaukee but is now going to take place mainly on Instagram. Or maybe she tried to send them, but because of a bureaucratic snafu they wound up at a different federal entity, such as the Coast Guard. As crazy as masked Americans fighting over toilet paper. Adding to the citizens’ misery are rolling electrical blackouts, possibly related to the fact that the state legislature has banned all sources of electricity except windmills and 9-volt batteries. There’s a new documentary about them. OK, here goes: Nobody got killed by the murder hornets. The National Football League is also trying to adapt to the pandemic, exploring the possibility of a season with no fans, no coaches and no players. How gripped we were? No spam and entirely confidential. Trump’s doctors describe the motorcade as “a totally standard medical treatment that is not insanely irresponsible at all.”. Why Charles Barkley thinks Utah Jazz sixth man Jordan Clarkson should be an All-Star. Every issue is binary: my side good, other side bad. Thank youYou have been added to our mailing list. • The bad news is, most of these sales are online purchases of Four Seasons Total Landscaping T-shirts. and it will be nice to include this one in the rotation. In Major League Baseball, the teams begin a shortened season with stadium seats occupied by cardboard cutouts representing fans, except in the case of the Houston Astros, who use live human snipers. Meanwhile at home the nation’s mood is increasingly tense and angry as Americans are bombarded all day, every day, with a constant stream of news about protests, boycotts, disruption, despair and rage. In a decision that outrages Democrats, President Trump commutes the federal prison sentence of his longtime friend and political operative Roger Stone. President Trump continues to provide leadership during the crisis by repeatedly pointing out that he knows an incredible amount about viruses — more than most medical doctors! Ultimately, if you haven't had it and can get a bottle for under 55$ I would try it. Depends what you are looking for. The Colonel was an amazing innovator and now he's an Amazing bourbon! • In the event that a batter gets on base, all players on both teams will immediately be tested for coronavirus. Meanwhile as fires continue to devastate the West, the California legislature, meeting in emergency session, votes to ban lightning. Nevertheless he struggles in the debates, the low point coming when Elizabeth Warren, during a heated exchange about nondisclosure agreements, pulls the waistband of Bloomberg’s underpants over the top of his head, a debate tactic known as the “atomic wedgie,” first performed by Lincoln on Douglas in 1858. So who on Earth could these 74 million Americans be? Coming on the heels of two politically devastating bombshell reports earlier in the month — one alleging that Trump mocked the military, and one that he lied about the seriousness of the coronavirus — this brings to an even 500 the total number of times Trump has been devastated by bombshell media reports. — has the virus and now they’re saying it’s a lot worse than the flu and we need to wash our hands and not touch our faces and maintain a social distance of si6 feet and use an abundance of caution to flatten the curve (whatever “the curve” is) but they’re also saying we don’t need face masks no scratch that now they’re saying we DO need face masks but nobody HAS any face masks but hey here’s a funny meme about toilet paper but look at these statistical disease models WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE but Trump says maybe this hydroxysomething medicine will work no it won’t work yes it will work no it won’t and now they’re saying there won’t be enough ventilators or hospital beds or PPE and Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx are saying everybody has to shelter at home or else WE ARE ALL DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE hey here’s another funny toilet-paper meme but seriously what is PPE and is that different from PPP and where will we get the ventilators and there won’t be enough hospital beds and there is still no hand sanitizer and I keep touching my face and they just canceled the NBA can they even DO that wait now they canceled ALL the sports and closed all the schools the colleges the stores the restaurants the bars the theaters the hair salons the parks the Atlantic and Pacific oceans and now they’re saying we need to stay at home for HOW LONG what about the toilet paper I can’t stop touching my damn face are you seriously telling me all this is because somebody ate a freaking bat maybe Amazon has toilet paper they’re sold out too WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE TOILET PAPER not another Zoom meeting I am so tired of shouting at people in little boxes maybe I should take a shower but what’s the point hey here’s a bunch more funny memes look at the Stock Market the price of oil maybe I’ll just take a peek at my 401k oh NOOOOOOOO and WHAT ARE PEOPLE DOING WITH ALL THIS TOILET PAPER and how long do we have to keep being abundantly cautious what did Trump say about the ventilators and what did Dr. Birx and Dr. Fauci say about what Trump said about the ventilators and what did Trump say about what they said about what he said about the ventilators ventilators ventilators LOOK AT THESE MODELS WE ARE STILL GOING TO DIE but do we really want to go on living in a world where there’s no toilet paper and every single TV commercial sounds like “as we navigate these difficult times together, the National Association of Folding Chair Manufacturers wants you to know that we are committed to running these TV commercials with a somber narrator voice telling you how committed we are” and WHY WOULD SOMEBODY EAT A BAT these memes are getting old hey do you think that Carole Baskin woman actually fed her husband to a tiger maybe we should order pizza tonight wait I think we had pizza last night are you sure it’s Tuesday because it feels more like Thursday no please not another freaking Zoom meeting stop already with the memes if the tiger ate her husband shouldn’t there be a skeleton somewhere are we flattening the curve yet Dr. Fauci Dr. Birx because we’re in a recession no wait maybe it’s a depression look at the unemployment numbers we are never going to recover from this if the virus doesn’t kill us we will starve to death we need more money from the government we need billions no we need trillions no we need MORE trillions where is this money coming from we have to open the economy up but if we do WE WILL ALL DIE hey I found some toilet paper oh no it’s one-ply which is basically the same as using your bare hand thank heavens I also found some hand sanitizer and speaking of good news Bernie Sanders is endorsing Joe Biden so apparently they’re both still alive if I see one more meme I am going to puke in my facemask I’m afraid to get on a scale my thighs are basically two armadillo-sized wads of pizza dough hey Dr. Birx Dr. Fauci when will we have a vaccine when will we have herd immunity when can we go outside when can we go back to work what is the “new normal” good lord what did Trump say about disinfectants DON’T INJECT CLOROX YOU IDIOTS what about the food chain what about reinfection what about the second wave hey they’re showing the NFL draft and Georgia is opening the tattoo parlors and holy crap now it’s ... ... and we are, as a nation, exhausted. Really. Meanwhile on the coronavirus front, there is good news and bad news: • The good news is that several drug companies announce that they have developed promising vaccine candidates, while Budweiser reports “significant progress” on a hard seltzer that also can be used as hand sanitizer. In sports, Major League Baseball is rocked by scandal with the release of a report concluding that the Houston Astros engaged in an elaborate multiyear cheating scheme, which critics charge enabled the team to win the 2017 World Series as well as six congressional seats in the 2018 midterm elections. President Trump, angered by reports that at one point he retreated to an underground bunker, states that in fact he was merely inspecting the bunker, this being a responsibility explicitly assigned to the president by the Constitution, right after where it says he’s in charge of foreign policy. I avoided this bourbon when it first came out because the rest of the E. H Taylors were so special. Been trying a number of others (1792, Larceny, etc.) In other political news, The New York Times, in a politically devastating career-ending bombshell report, reveals that an analysis of Trump’s tax records shows that pretty much his only major success, as a businessman, has been playing the part of a successful businessman on a TV show. Copyright © 2020 Deseret News Publishing Company. This occurs when the president announces via tweet that his lawyers will hold a news conference at “Four Seasons, Philadelphia.” Everyone assumes he means the Four Seasons Hotel, but in fact the event takes place in the parking lot of a company called Four Seasons Total Landscaping, which is located across the street from a cremation center and down the block from Fantasy Island Adult Books and Novelties. But as of early January the Senate has not received them. This seems to suggest, crazy as it sounds, that the virus — Who could possibly have known this? The palate is vanilla forward throughout. Meanwhile in Delaware, Joe Biden’s team continues to ponder the question of who should be Joe’s running mate, the goal being to find somebody who (a) is a woman and (b) has a name that Joe can remember. Depends what you pay.45-60$ is fair. In college sports, both the Big Ten and Pac-12 vote to resume playing football, citing the improving COVID-19 situation and the fact that the Houston Astros are leading both conferences with a combined 179-0 record. • To minimize airborne saliva droplets, umpires will call balls and strikes by shouting into their elbows.

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